Nights Winters Years

Carolyn and I try to tell real-life stories to John. He loves stories of all kinds, and we want to intersperse the fairy tales and childrens books with a little bit of family history.

Carolyn was upstairs putting Emmalee down for a nap when I started to tell John stories about some of my Thanksgiving memories.

I began, "When I was a little boy, I would go with Aunt Carrie, Aunt Annie, and Gramma D every Thanksgiving to Great Gramma Emma's house."

He stopped me: "Where is her house? I want to go. I want to see her."

I was completely blindsided. Carolyn and I have told stories of her father and my grandmother before, and he's always listened with interest, but he's always understood that these people "aren't around any more."

Tears welled up in my eyes immediately, and a lump developed in my throat.

"We can't go to see her, John."

"Why not?"

"Great Gramma Emma died. She's in heaven now with Jesus."

He put his head down, and thought seriously for what, in John terms, was a long time. He was pondering what I had said.

"But I want to see her."

"We will," I said. "When we get to heaven, she will be there waiting for us."

"But I want to see her now"

"We can't. But we have pictures, and we have stories and memories."

"I want to see her house"

"We can't do that either."

Later that day, he told Grandma Karen that he was afraid that Great Gramma Emma would not be able to find us when we got to Heaven. She reassured him that we would be able to find each other when that time comes.

He's still pondering that huge, adult concept of death and what comes after. He's not hurting -- the loss is too far removed from him to cause him pain. But he's puzzled, and trying to understand.

The questions of a child very quickly point out the essence of our faith. In the adult mind, there are many thick layers sitting atop it. There are esoteric debates over terminology. There is emotional baggage. There are memories, hurts, dogmas, wishes, points of contention, confusion.

But explain it to a child, and the heart of the matter is very clear.