Before I was a mom

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a mom.............
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a mom
I slept as late as i wanted
and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was a mom
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a mom
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a mom
I had never been puked on
pooped on
spit on
chewed on
peed on
or pinched by tiny fingers

Before I was a mom
I had complete control of
my thoughts
my body
and my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a mom
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that i could love someone so much.
I never knew i would love being a mom

Before I was a mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a Mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every ten minutes to make sure all was ok
I had never known the warmth
the joy
the love
the headache
the wonderfulment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much.............
before I was a mom.....

Good news on John

We went back to Riley on Tuesday and it may be a while before you hear from me again on John because he won't need to see the cardiologist for another year! Yea! He's doing so well that the Dr. feels we can wait that long to see if the heart will heal itself even further.

Once again, the Dr. didn't back down on the percentage chance that John will have to have heart surgery - that still stands at 90%, but he was very impressed with how well John is doing. He's growing like crazy (less than 15 months old and already over 34 inches tall), which is a really good sign. Plus, the tests show that the blood pressure through the hole in his heart isn't as much of a problem.

The great news for mom and dad is that starting in May, John will be able to play with other children. I'm so happy for him and for us. Now that we don't have to be quite so protective, life should assume a more normal quality. The enforced isolation was hard to work around sometimes - and he's starting to need the socialization.

Just thought you'd all like to know. Thank you for your prayers and concern.

Sicks Weeks

For six weeks around January, I couldn't take John anywhere because of the flu that was going around. Since then, I've resolved every week to come down for lunch and haven't made it. There was also a week in late Feb. where he was very sick because of some antibiotics he was on. He had to take them because he fell and split his chin open on the kitchen floor while demonstrating his new walking skills. Got three stitches! His Dad has a scar exactly like it from when he was about a year old too.

Not Walking Yet

The snow is beautiful. We're going through our firewood like crazy. I've kept the fireplace going ever since our weekend away. I got hooked on it, with having one in our room. =) It keeps it nice and cozy while the snow is falling. It's been wonderful.

John's doing great, but he's not walking yet. I don't think that it's because he's not capable. I just think crawling's easier. He has the balance and the strength, I just don't think he has the motivation yet.

Little booger.